Society

The bottles lay strewn across the floor.
The bed sits unmade.
Nothing disturbes this empty room until 3:15.

3:15..the time the lonely soul who inhabits this space enters,
only to leave again every morning by 6 AM.

Rinse and repeat, never with enough time to make the bed.
Never with enough time to make the bed.
But this is a life...or the effects of one...the pinnacle of average american splendour...and the fruit of a lifes labor, and my greatest fear.

For these blue eyes to turn brackish and grey.
To be continually drained by the fibrous roots of a grand socialistic achievement, this city deemed "freedom".

A facet of a system designed to keep the poor people poor, the consumers consuming, and the leaders in control, all to put a dollar in the pocket of the wise.

This isnt something you fall prey to, its something your born into, this is modern existence. Im getting carried away, lets venture back to the room shall we?

This room, this shell, was known not only as a life, an existence, a career, but also as waking hours to a dreamer, a blindfold to a visionary, and shakles on the wrists of a free spirit.

Who could ask for more? Or less? Isnt this the picture of success? Yes.

Those who dare question this system of life are those on corners, Financing their existences by the inadvertant alms given them from the upper class community, and gathered at the local well of refuse.

Those modern outlaws, those invalids.

They are the ones with problems! Surely!
Picking up on my sarcasm? I hope so.

What should one dare to ask for?
Where would one go?

The room, its doors, its windows, all barred by the cold steel of now. The solitary window overlooks the city called freedom, and the assylum known as society. The city of modernism beneath a bruised bleeding sky.

The masses know love as their only deffense. Be it the love of themsleves, of indulgences, or the love of others. Freedom begs no greater deffense or justification, why should the people? We are the future, impending demise, we are wealthy, we are worthless.

Feed us.

Solitary Psychosis

Medicate the masses the answer.
Maybe I would'nt be here if they got to me sooner.
Maybe not, Maybe its nature.

My mind is a prison, (I hate it here)
My cell, not solitary, (Theres voices here)

These halls so dark at night,
These jackets fit so tight

Let's watch the world decay as my life stains these walls
Solitary I grow old
On my own, I scream alone.

Medication, Medication
I will never again taste freedom.

Everyday I struggle to believe,
But who can stop me when thoughts decieve?

Smear my memories against these padded walls,
Like the blood that paints my life,
The exit that rules the future calls,
Calls me pass its rigid frame.
(Medication for Gratification)

Like the passions that took me from home
Is the sin that seperates my flesh from bone,
So are the desires that light these bones afire.

Like an apparition of my sanity these visions dance so daintily in the back rooms of my mind.
Still insecure with everything I knew I would never be
I died and left behind this ghost of me.
A picture of my careless face.

Look at me
What do you see?
Look at me
What do you see?
Am I so tragic?
What do I merit beneath my face?
Try to scrape away the filth,
Still I havent proved myself.

Could anyone see what I am?
Beneath the bloodshot eyes of a battered boy.

This box, my box,
Is padded by hundreds of lifeless faces and stares
All my good times,
the times I did'nt care

Angry and grieving now,
they never shut their eyes.

Never shut their eyes,
stop the stares and let me rest.

It's funny now,
I've lost my mind
It was funny how my mother cried

Now I see I could have died.
It's funny how I got here.

The things I said were never fair.
It's funny that I am here,
but I really don't care.

Vehimance at Nothing

You call this a fight,
what do you want?
To be heard?
What will you say?

They listen what do you do?
What would you do if you got what you wanted?
How many bodies can you stuff in a closet?

You dont know what your saying,
You cant think.
You consume,
Consume, eat, feed, process and vomit the knowledge of the informed

So, you hate your country,
You hate how it feels being controlled by people just like you.
You hate the way you spend your days
You blame them.

You wave your vehimance,
like a colored rag on a soldiers coffin,
where are borders now?
What seperates us?

You call this a cause?
You call this new?
You call this change?

You perpetuate yourself as part of the deadlock

Caged in blind rage
You wait for faith,
wait until you've accomplished what you can in your strength.
Theres no room for faith in the drain.
No direction to a blind ride

You struggle,
what do you want?
to be heard?
What could you say?

They listen,
you want change.
Change!
Change what?
You want a voice.
Start speaking!
Engage!

The sad truth is I am you,
I am everything you want,
I am everything you would be if you were me.

You want to change the world, The way things are
I will break every finger you point in my face

Media frenzy,
Cognative conscience and careless,
Madmen in power,
Indulgence and greed brought us here,
The weight to bear.

All the pointless nights and stupid scares.
All the boring days and wasted years.
Thats what brought us here.
Disgusting,

Throughout our thoughts we dwell,
We slither as if in slime,
We swelter, squirm and scream.

Oblivious to our sichuation,
The nil wound in our existence,
Existential nothing.

Our tendency to digress,
Our perpensity toward cess

We alone are the laborers of a tragic legacy,
But we begged for no less
We authored change
We never had enough,
The future found doom in us.

Epic of Introspect

What is life without the trouble?
A love without failure,
A day without struggle?

The selfish fear of existence unhindered,
Dreams broken
The air scared by the nails of my flailing fillful hands
Hands in pain
Hands with purpose

I had direction
What is a face without the eyes?
What is a bond without the ties?
Does a shadow hide or block the light?
Does a world scream for sun?
Or is it granted?

But what is pain without the cries?
A whithered man before he dies?
As life is war, my love is a massacre.

In the wind,
Under the superficial sky of human experience,
I am chilled,
Is it from cold?
Or the realization of the fleeting unknown?

The summary of this human experience.

For the times you feel small,
Embrace the wind,
take it in

The consumed are marked by the indulgences gated in their faces.

With their voices
They spew the lamentations of the damned,
Of so many before.

This corpse I call a conscience rules my world,
The perpetuation of my inherant seminal defficiancies.
My humanity

There are words of hope,
Although I hate what I've heard,
Hate what I've heard

The realization of what I havent achieved lingers before my eyes.
Like the dying to the starving.

This is what perpatuates me as the strongest link in a broken world..
A chain of broken will and lives.

Wind these cords that bind my neck

Absorb me into the nihlistic construct that knows no bounds.
Beneath the solitary rays of a setting sun,
I watch the world digress.
I wonder of futures,
I wonder of freedoms,
I wonder of hope,
and of love,

Alone

Through the Sickest Times

Starting with this, I will be posting a series of poem type wrtings I have made in the past. Some of them have already been posted on sites like myspace and the like. However, most people dont read those. Anyways, let me know what you think of any of these.

Alone again and I know why,
love gives way as it dies,and I know why
It was my love sent way,do you know why?

Through my eyes I wish you could see,
to see my world sick as it is,
feel the fears,
know my thoughts, see the twists

See things from my point of view,
see what I see when I look at you,
Though short a moment it may be,
its through my eyes I wish you could see

------
If ever Im someone you could love,
let me know,
if ever Im worth giving love,
tell me so,
if ever you need my love alone,
let me know,
------

As in my mind I wish you could be,
to know my thoughts,
watch them rot

All my skeletons in plain view,
but you would know what I know,
know what I do,
every time I think of you.

------
If ever Im someone you could love,
let me know,
if ever Im worth giving love,
tell me so,
if ever you want my love alone,
let me know,
-------

When I think of what we could be,
you would know my needs,
You would know my dreams,
know my dreams as wicked things,
broken necks,
demented scenes,
a clamour of frantic screams,

But I once had a dream and you were there,
this dream wouldnt make you scared,
We were in love,
I remember from your brown eyed stare,
Our kisses felt as the embers of the lovers fire
I was lost in your laugh,
Your eyes made the world less grey
Every kiss made me feel the weightlessness of empty space,

I had never been so scared,
but being with you made the fear go away,
and for a moment,
I found home in your face.

But as the dream went on I saw a change,
you saw what I was and pulled away

Our kisses turned to the salt of tears,
you saw past my smoke and mirrors

------
If ever Im someone you coud love,
let me know,
if ever Im worth your love,
tell me so,
if ever satisfied by requited love alone,
let me know
------

Words can be not found violent enough to describe that dream coming true,
I died in that dream when I lost you

As its come true, all but my death has made it real.

I wish you were in me,
feel my cold hands,
know my words before their spoken,
I wish you were in me,
the times I was with you,
then maybe although a minute it would still be true,
You would know what I felt every time that I held you.

As always be honest.
Just for clarification though, I would like to state that I wrote this BEFORE my girlfriend and I broke up, just incase anyone had any "conclusions" drawn as to my source of inspiration. =]

11/25/08

This is my first blog entry.

I will probably update this often, as a means of venting and or expression.

Feel free to check back, as I like making new friends =]